~[CARE]~

“Caring is the best medicine” .This is a statement that always floating in my mind. The incident I will write after this is mostly related to the word “CARE”. If we want to describe the meaning of care, there is no best word or phrase that can interpret specifically the meaning of it. It is because care is something that very subjective and very difficult to describe about it. Care is something that appear from sincere heart and different person will describe and show it in different way.

The incident that I want to write here is happened about two years a go when I was in 1st semester in 2006. At ward A (not the real name), in the last bed in the isolated corner, there was a patient who was lying down lonely. On the first day posted there I really want to know the patient more closely. Wondering why?? Because this patient very uncooperatively neither for the nurse nor the doctor. So I had been too curious to know about her. As a new person in the nursing world, two weeks posted there was not enough to me to build trust and understand the patient's perception of the situation. But I was trying my best as best as I could to be a good person to trust by her at that time.

Let me describe about the patient history first. She is a Malay woman, married but was divorced last 20 years. She has 8 children. Her marriage was unblessed by her family because her husband at that time is a Chinese man. Therefore, after she was left by her husband she taking care of her children by her own. Her children are already grown up and have their own family. There is no problem occur within her healthy life. The devastating time in her life was started when she was diagnosed Diabetic Mellitus and within several years her left leg was amputated due to complication of the Diabetic Mellitus. A few years later, she was suffer with stroke and became a bed ridden. There was no one of her children willing to take care of her at that time. She was sent to a nursing home care by her own children.

Staying at the nursing home care was not as good as we hear about it. There was rain within the sunny day. Due to bad nursing care at the nursing home, she developed very bad condition of bed sore. It is third degree sore with pus and discharge. During I was posted at that ward this patient was admitted due to infected wound on her back. Her major problem now is infection. So there is a medical team role now to promote healing of the bed sore also the infection at the same time. Easy, daily dressing is ordered and antibiotic is prescribed. On the paper it is seem like an easy job. Nothing much has to be done. But there were a lot of problems rise. Patient was very uncooperatively. She was mentally unstable. Emotionally she was in depression state.

Want to know what happened every time when staff nurses or others medical staff trying to do any procedure or trying to close to her? There were a lot of unwanted incident happened. She always refused to get any treatment and medication. It was very hard even to persuade her to take food and beverages. The best way to persuade her to cooperate and take part in order to be healthy person again is make her children involve in her treatment and taking care of her. She only will cooperate and follow nurse’s instruction when there are her sons or daughter at that time. I don’t really understand her feeling actually. I don’t know why she not willing to cooperate with medical staff especially nurses. Is it she doesn’t trust us? Does her loss her hope in life? If it’s the reason why she became too uncooperatively, so why she willing to cooperate while there were her children? I have no answer for all those question that were created by me.

I assumed that there are two possible reasons why she became cooperatively when her child was there. It’s either she scared of her child or she feel that there is someone still willing to give her a meaning of her life. For the first reason, she maybe afraid her children will anger and ignore her if she not willing to receive treatment. So at this situation she became a hypocrite to protect herself. For the second reason which is her children give her a meaning of life, I believe that when her children visit her even just for a few minutes, it gives meaning a lot for her and it’s very highly valuable for her. So indirectly she felt that there is someone always needs her in this world so that she must recover as soon as possible.

Actually, I am willing to write about this patient no just because of her condition neither physically, physiologically nor emotionally. But the main reason why I am interesting to share the story of this patient because my aim or goal to build trust between us is not achieved. So my mission is failed!! Even I’m trying my best to be kind for her within that two weeks, the good outcome is not produced. How bad right? How sad I was at that time…

The most unforgotten incident posted at this ward is when I was slap by the patient that I told about her above on the last day I was posted there. For specifically the incident happen an hours before my duty end there. During that time my colleague Mahani and I was changing her diapers and bed sheet because it was wet and very uncomfortable condition. As usually she was uncooperative. She stared at me just like a lion want to eat his delicious meal. Suddenly her hand reached on my face. Ouch! Quite pain actually but I just smile at that time. Pretending nothing happened and tries to finish my work as soon as I could I was trying hard to prevent my tears falling down from my eyes.

As a new person in this challenging field, I felt terrible. I thought I’m not going to be a nurse anymore. That is funny right? Just because a vulnerable patient gave me a slap so I could think to quit from nursing. Of course you can imagine how weak I am, not tough enough to be a good nurse. A good nurse must strength enough to overcome any obstacle and must ready and prepare to face different kind of person especially person in term of patient.

There were several aspects influencing the way I was feeling. Firstly, it was the last day that I was posted there, so I was very sad because I don’t have another chance to close to her and understand her condition and feeling in depth. Secondly, during that time there is no one from my friends support me and respects my decision to be a nurse in my future. For this 1st semester they still can’t accept it and always making fun of it. Actually it’s hurt my feeling a bit even I don’t really love this profession so much during that time. So because of this situation I became more passionate to show for them that I really have credibility to be a nurse. But there was a terrible incident occur which is not gives me any credit to be proud in front of my friends but it show that I’m not good enough to be a nurse. That’s why I was frustrated by this incident.

However time is the best medicine in order to cure that pain. With in last two years many of my friends started to understand the meaning of a nurse’s role and sacrifice. Thank God because there are beloved friends besides me. Today, after two years the incident happened I think I will be a good nurse. I have a credibility to be good. I’m a different person now. I become more ready to be a nurse in the future. I already have my own target in the world of nursing. The incident gave me a wide impact in my life. It devastated my confident pride and belief for the first few weeks. But after that it’s became my starting point to improve my communication skills and I am trying to be more understanding and more sensitive in order to identify patient’s needs physically and especially their spiritual needs. From the incident I realized that my interest is more relate to something that involves feeling and psychological aspect.

In my first paragraph I said that I want to talk about something that related to care right. But after I finished typing what I have, I don’t think that I talked specifically about care. But actually there is. Care is something we can’t explain about it but we as a person has ability to feel it. So, enjoy and appreciate the sense of being cared. Smile!

p/s: kesalahan tatabahasa adalah diabaikan...